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We spent the first hour date catching up, and then all of a sudden he got really serious and started taking me through his murky family health history: He spent all night chain-smoking, getting me very drunk, and then lunged in for a kiss before hopping on a bus home. He texted right away to make plans for a second date. When I finally arrived, I apologized and hoped to have a bit of fun since the journey had been so long and awful. The whole thing felt like I was being interviewed for marriage, so I ended up getting horribly drunk to get through it, and then left the pub not knowing how to get home!

This was before the age of Google Maps, so I had to call my one friend in London, who talked me through which buses to take and lanes to walk on. Red wine and true friendship to the rescue. His pictures showed that he was cute and well traveled. What if they secretly have a face tattoo?

Because we've all been there!

The conversation was terrible, but I noticed she was taking the chicken fingers and ripping them up in her hands and putting the breading in her huge purse. So naturally I called her out on it. She plopped the thing in the middle of the table, and it just kinda chilled out. I played with the chinchilla a bit, and she kinda got mad at me for playing with it and back in the purse it went. I brought up this lb.

He asked if the guy was named XXX. She only wanted to communicate through email or the dating site — which I thought was odd but just went with it.

13 Funny First Date Stories That’ll Make You Crack Up

Thirty minutes into our date, I found out why…. He had loads of swords and machetes on the wall and decided to hold one to my throat to show me how incredibly strong they were. I arrived on the date, all happy, but realized that the girl who sat was a year old lady with two children and was just finding an excuse to leave her house. I was a fan. When we meet up, the wit disappeared.

I tossed her a couple of verbal jousts. It turns out her roommate had been helping her reply to messages. Without asking, she reached over and started picking toppings of my pizza. When we first started speaking, I initially thought that I had hit the jackpot: But then when it was time to leave, I ordered an Uber to take me home, and he got in, asking if he could share the taxi even though we live nowhere near each other. When we pulled up to his flat, he jumped out without offering to pay for his fare. That said, this probably stems from an awkward encounter I had at university, which try as I might, I will never forget.


13 Funny First Date Stories That’ll Make You Crack Up

He was a musician. That is one duet I will never partake in, soz. We were only meant to be having a quick coffee but he immediately launched into a rant about how terrible his life was now. There was pus he explained, and did I want to see it? And oh - here it is. It was rancid and smelled awful. Needless to say I wish I'd never met up with him.

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I was at University. We met in front of the student union as he was trying to get people to sign up for mailing lists, and some how I ended up signing up for a date. A Sunday afternoon meal and walk in the park. As someone rushed in front of me, I screeched to a halt, beeping my horn manically, as a collision was imminent. I tried to seem cool and calm, with my car halted in the middle of the junction.


I'd just moved to Manchester, the dodgy end, and I'd also met a lovely German guy. We went on a date and he wanted to walk me home after I'd made a lot of fuss about the area I lived in.

Worst Online Dating Stories from Reddit |

As we turned the corner the street was lit up with blue flashing lights. The sirens were echoing off the Victorian brick walls and in the distance I saw police tape flickering in the wind. As we edged closer, my fingers gripped his tighter as I realised that the tape was wrapped around my house. And the sirens were calling out to me!

18 Funny Dating Stories That Will Make You Cringe With Embarrassment

He thought it was hilariously coincidental until I said: A gang had been chasing him and he ran up to our house to try and get in but no one had opened the door quick enough. The guy took me to stay at my friends, but I never did hear from him again…. He was wearing a shark tooth necklace for starters. Is he dealing drugs?

Worst First Date Stories

So they started talking to me like I was the long-lost girlfriend — showing me pictures of their holiday, chatting about their son — it was seriously weird — although they were an absolute delight.

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